COMIC BOOK REVIEWS:
50 NERDY THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
50. Have a fashionista compliment you on your outfit.
49. Get married on a replica of the starship Enterprise at the "Star Trek: Experience" in Las Vegas.
48. Be bold and take your action figures out of the box, value be damned!
47. Visit the grave of pioneering comic book artist Jack Kirby.
46. Live James Joyces' Ulysses by attending the Bloomsday Festival in Dublin. (Reading Ulysses first -- or at least buying the Cliff's Notes -- might be good here, too.)
45. See all of Shakespeares' histories performed. Yes, even the crap ones. (Helloooooo, King John!)
44. Visit the yet-to-be-made Harry Potter theme park.
43. Visit the yet-to-be-made Harry Potter theme park and try not to cry tears of girly joy.
42. Defeat King Koopa. Just once, damn it!
41. Have martinis and make witty comments at the Algonquin Hotel in New York, preferably at a round table.
40. See at least one game at all existing Major League Baseball ballparks.
39. Make a tour of Raymond Chandler’s Los Angeles. After that, make a tour of The Big Lebowski’s Los Angeles.
38. Draw a map of a nonexistent or fictional place.
37. Visit DC Comics’ office.
36. Check out the computer labs at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, future birthplace of HAL-9000.
35. Go to the Superman Festival in Metropolis, IL.
34. Have dinner with Adam West (Batman), Burt Ward (Robin) and Linda Carter (Wonder Woman). Denigrate Gil Gerard.
33. Visit the respective castles that inspired Frankenstein and Dracula.
32. Match or out-do Eugene Andreev's record-setting freefall from an altitude of 83,523 ft (25,457 m).
31. Build your own lightsaber.
30. Visit Riverside, Iowa, future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk.
29. Watch the sunset from inside the "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" dinosaur.
28. Convince Harold Bloom that Tolkien's Ring trilogy belongs in the canon just as much as that stuffy old Faerie Queene. Plus, hello, hobbits!
27. Go to an underground sing-along screening of the Buffy Musical. (When Buffy is outlawed, only outlaws will sing-along to Buffy.)
26. See the butter cow at the Iowa State Fair.
25. Spend an entire weekend watching Miyazaki films. Subsequently achieve outstanding bliss.
24. Witness a live space shuttle launch. Extra points if you're piloting it.
23. Create an elaborate, unnecessarily detailed wiki about a fictional universe or series of stories.
22. Smuggle your soul into a futuristic robot. One thousand years from now, mock the suckers who fell for cryogenics.
21. Kill a zombie.
20. Kick Eric Clapton's ass in "Guitar Hero."
19. Become an editor and get paid to correct other people's grammar errors.
18. Make a pilgrimage to the Ernest Hemingway Home and Museum in Key West, Florida, and pet his six-toed cats.
17. Learn advanced Klingon.
16. "Accidentally" get locked in a bookstore for seven or eight days.
15. Watch 24 hours of "24" without falling asleep or hallucinating about Tony's soul patch. Seriously. It can't be done.
14. Understand a Tom Stoppard play on the first viewing.
13. Visit the International Space Station and go for a spacewalk.
12. Join the 501st Stormtrooper Brigade.
11. Memorize enough digits of pi to be impressive but not weird.
10. Be part of the first Wii Sport Olympic team. Be satisfied in the knowledge that your groin pulls will only ever be virtual.
9. Make out with Joss Whedon or J.K. Rowling. Extra points if you achieve a two-fer.
8. Gain at least one bionic limb or superpower
7. Feel again like you felt the first time you saw "Star Wars."
6. Correct Alex Trebek on the pronunciation of something French. Consequently hold him when he cries.
5. Figure out what the hell "Lost" is about. [This item also works for "The Prisoner," "Twin Peaks," "Cloverfield," and the popularity of Oprah.]
4. Solve a New York Times crossword puzzle...with your eyes closed. Just kidding. Doing one in pen with no mistakes in under 10 minutes is good, too.
3. Defeat those brainiac kids in the Scripps Spelling Bee Contest.
2. Get something published in The New Yorker. Have David Remnick call and ask where you've been all his life.
1. Live to see the day when smart and witty wins out over hot and shallow every single day of the week.
IndieFeed Performance Poetry Player
"the ever so late"
BIG MOUTH BOUT RECAP
"THE MAIN EVENT"
FLOWMENTALZ VS SHAPPY
So here we have it. Two of the funniest Heavy Weight seasoned vets in spoken word poetry going head to head with their contrasting styles poetic humor! First we have Shappy the King Nerd poet, member of the 2002 National Slam Champion team Urbana, world traveled and making an appearance on the 3rd season of Russell Simmons Def Poetry Jam. Then we have Flowmentalz, member of New Jersey's 2003 & 2002 National Slam team, one of the most popular hosts in the Tri-state, also making an appearance of Russell Simmons Def Poetry Jam (1st & 3rd season). One thing I'd like to add is the Flowmentalz came to the bout after just having a tooth pulled. Talk about a Mouth Bout Combatant! Willing to fight through pain and not forfeit.
Both Poets were made aware of the rules in the dressing rooms. The Referee for the bout was yours truly Kool Breeze. The announcer and "official" time keeper was RL the Gifted One.
Shappy wins the coin toss and elects to go first.
Shappy opens up with a left from left field in "Quacky", an internet junky duck with "ducky tunnel syndrome". Shappy is receives a point deduction for "hitting" 10 secs over the 3 minute time limit.
Flowmentalz counters with "We Fuckin' Up Down Here", a new piece addressing life's issues and it's failures. "Yo God if you're sending your son make sure that motherfucker's strapped, we fuckin' up down here". Delivered in Flow's "duck tape style".
Flowmentalz throws a signature body punch with "Constepation", a vivid "internal" battle from the perspective of a "turd" who is "thorough as hell making you a contant patient of constepation!" Truly a strong piece (the poem that is) leaving many in the audience in tears.
Shappy comes out swinging "literally" "When the Soldiers Came". A poem detailing tragic ravaging of his village in which his "wax" babies have been taken. A poem delivered with such passion! A true tear jerker as the audience cries with laughter.
Truly a strong round for both combatants!
Shappy picking up where he left off goes to the body with "Sensitive Little Poetry Boy". Sharing some of his "deepest, darkest, secrets" like when "my mother used to out her cigarettes on my gonads". Once again delivering this piece as only he can, Shappy succeeds in bringing the audience into his zone, wherever that zone may be.
Flowmentalz delivers a signature right hook with "The Refrigerator Poem". A creative poem detailing life inside the refrigerator addressing such issues as racism, marital problems, ands conspired population control. "Black olives called it a conspiracy how green olives were in a jar and while they were in a can". "Imagine what it would be like if peanut butter and jelly got a divorce?". Once again the audience is left in tears. Truly a strong round for both combatants.
As we approach the third round the "official" score keeper confirms that a knockout has not taken place. The bout continues!
Flowmentalz, riding on the momentum of the previous round comes out swinging with "a li'l love poem" in "The Key". A piece detailing the perfect love partner who was "my friend, my lover and my whore". "My soulmate, my everything until I gave her the key". Delivered in true Flowmentalz "duck tape" fashion, Flowmentalz really strikes a chord with this piece as many in the audience can attest to a similar experience.
Shappy counters with "Infinite Darkness", a poem describing a soul that has given up hope "I'll just pull up the self pity pillow and sleep". Shappy's delivery has you feeling like you're at an off off off off offfff offfffff Broadway play. A truly touching piece that touches the heart, soul and funny bone at the same time. He pushes the envelope as he receives a 2 pt deduction for hitting 16 sec after the "silent" bell.
Shappy closes out the bout with his signature left hook with "I Am That Nerd". A poem boasting of his nerdiness as only Shappy can for he "dug up Einstein's bones and made them say I'm sorry for that weak ass theory of relativity". Okay, like I said "like only Shappy can".
Flowmentalz tries something new with "Linguistics" . "Never question my linguistics" as he uses oxymorons such as "I'm an honest liar", "sometimes my runs are constepated". After hearing lines like these I decided not to "question Flow's linguistics".
The Judges Scores
Note: Shappy received a total of 3 points deducted (1 in rd. one, 2 in rd three)
* Shappy Rd 1.. 09 Rd 2.. 10 Rd 3.. 10 Rd 4.. 08 Rd 5.. 10 = 47
*Flowmentalz Rd 1.. 09 Rd 2.. 09 Rd 3.. 09 Rd 4.. 10 Rd 5.. 09 = 46
*Shappy Rd 1..08 Rd 2.. 10 Rd 3.. 10 Rd 4.. 07 Rd 5.. 09 = 44
*Flowmentalz Rd 1..10 Rd 2.. 09 Rd 3.. 10 Rd 4.. 10 Rd 5.. 10 = 49
*Shappy Rd 1.. 09 Rd 2.. 10 Rd 3.. 09 Rd 4.. 08 Rd 5.. 09 = 45
*Flowmentalz Rd 1.. 10 Rd 2.. 10 Rd 3.. 10 Rd 4.. 10 Rd 5.. 10 = 50
THE WINNER BY A SPLIT DECISION!!
Ten Best Foods (in no particular order)
1-Anything my mom makes
2-Hostess fruit Pies
4-Philly Cheese Steaks
10-Pumpkin Stew (prepared by snoo)
ten nearly perfect records (in no particular order)
1-The Transformed Man-William Shatner
4-Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-Wilco
7-Are A Drag-Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies
8-This Is It-The Strokes
10-Liscened To Ill-Beastie Boys
I'm not sure what is going on here. Yes, America is wounded after 9/11. Yes, we bombed Afganistan, yet again. But, this series of jingoistic AMERICA IS RIGHT ALL THE TIME has me a little disturbed. It is SO over the top I can't keep away. The first issue was so jarring, I couldn't believe what I was reading! And I quote-(from the first page of the first issue) "It doesn't matter wher you think you were going, today you are part of the bomb." Then it shows Steve Rogers (Captain America) digging for bodies at Ground Zero! It then goes on having Cap fighting IN-COUNTRY terrorist factions! That is, if I'm reading it right. Who knows!?! That's the problem with trying to keep up with current events in a comic book, I guess. The artwork is REALLY good however. The detail is amazing! Look, of all the crappy comics that come out week after week, it is really worth your while to pick up this title and save it as a historical oddity. I mean, outside of WWII when was the last time Captain America had HISTORICAL VALUE? Bag and board em fanboys!